Moving on...



Break ups can all to often feel like a death. In fact, it is the death of the relationship. Someone that you wanted to spend your every waking hour with, is now the object of your pain and sorrow. How could it be that you went from having butterflies when this person popped into your head to now feeling an aching pain in the pit of your stomach that will not go away?

I, like many people before me, have experienced extreme heartache. I have felt the belt of deceit and her welts are imbeded on my heart. I thought this person would be with me forever. Even though I wasn't happy, I was settled in where I was and thought that one day everything would work out. I was in it for the long haul and there was nothing stopping me from making this work.

Unfortunately, he didn't feel the same way. He traded up or down...depending on how you want to view my replacement. It was hard to get over it. No one really knows the battle that took place inside of me. I was happy that it was over, but afraid of where to go. My persepective of where my life was headed was now jaded. In reality, I was a walking zombie in my twenties. My life didn't really have a purpose. I took it day by day and whatever happened, happened. I carried the relationship and knew no better.

I don't regret any of it. In actuality, I'm tired of even bringing it up. It's in the past and I learned an immense lesson. It may sound cliche, but no one can make you happy, they can only accentuate it. Right now, that I am on the verge of turning thirty, I can say that I am happy and I am more comfortable in my skin. I know who I am and what I want. I finally have a solid perspective on what a relationship should and will be for me.

I would like to meet someone that DOES NOT have a wife or a girlfriend. It seems that recently I've been walking around with a sign that says JEZEBEL posted on my forehead. I mean seriously...what is it about me that makes unavailable men think that I am available to a cheater. I love how nonchalant they are when they tell me that they are in a relationship. Usually goes, "hey, your cute...I have a girlfriend, can I get your number?"

I refuse to acknowledge the fact that men are dogs or that every romantic story that has ever been told was written by a woman. There has to be a loyal man out there with a generous heart that still believes that a woman should be honored and treasured. Someone that knows when to make a woman laugh and when to console her. Where does one find him though?

There has to be a formula to all of this...game is on. =)