It isn't so black anymore...

He called today. I had to remind myself to breathe. I don't know if it's weird or not, but we've been dating for a couple of weeks now and I've already assigned him a ring tone. From our first date we discovered that we both share a passion for Pearl Jam AND our favorite song (which we discovered over Starbucks coffee, he likes that too!!) is Black. The song is basically about a break up and how that person being gone has turned your world to black. There's an absence of feeling and emotions now that the person is gone. I've felt that way before and he has to.

Not that it's in our control, because people are an evolving species, but we promised that we wouldn't hurt each other intentionally. I know that it's a lot to promise so quick in the relationship, but we've both been hurt in the past. We have both felt used in previous relationships and this time it's going to be different. This time I will put his feelings, his wants, his needs and his desires before my own. He's going to do the same for me. After all, isn't that what a relationship is supposed to be like?

So, my phone rang. I was half asleep. I don't get up that early. I see that it's him and immediately my heart flutters. I answer the phone and he's awake and super happy, the best way to wake up in the morning. Good morning sleepy head, he says. I have a question for you. It's too soon for him to ask me to marry him, so I laugh and say shoot. He responds with I'd rather not, but I would like to know if you knew why golfers wear two pairs of pants? I didn't even know they did, I respond. He laughs and says it's in case they get a hole in one. I start laughing hysterically and he laughed too. You're silly, I tell him. You like it, he says. In fact I do. 

He reviews our date information for tonight and says he's really excited to try this new restaurant. It's not really new new. It's probably been around for a long time. But, the other day when we were driving around Miami Beach we saw this little bistro and decided that it was worth a try. He remembered and is taking me there tonight. I asked him if they served anything with mangoes, reminding him of our inside joke. He laughed and said, no silly, I have all the mango I need. Go back to sleep and get some rest, you'll need it for tonight. I smile, agree and hang up the phone. I don't go back to sleep.

The truth is that I am happy. I haven't felt this way in a long time. There is something about him that moves me. He inspires me to do more to want more out of life. Our connection goes way deeper than the physical and believe me when I tell you that this guy is gorgeous. I feel privileged to walk hand in hand with him. But, putting his ten status out of the picture, it's his attention to detail that makes me so proud to be with him. He knows me. He analyzes me and plays close attention to what I like and don't like. He wants to make me happy and will not rest until he knows that I am satisfied. I like that.  

So the question that hangs in the air right now is what I will wear for our date. I was contemplating wearing a black dress. Something classy, but sexy. After all I am a woman, and I have to look the part. Slight cleavage but the dress comes down to my knees. To make sure I stand out, my shoes are a romantic bright red. Give my outfit a little flair by adding a small amount of red accessories and my hair will be in loose curls and picked up half way. The make-up of course will be light and highlighted with a red lipstick that matches my shoes and I will be set. I hope he likes it. 

As I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. I'm amazed.  I hope this feeling doesn't go away. I am tired of being disappointed and being hurt by men. I do realize that I give too much in relationships. I hope that he won't take advantage of me. I hate being just another number on someones list. I wasn't made for that. I was made to be in a committed relationship with someone who feels the same way I do. A couple of years ago,  I would have crumbled at the idea of being on the verge of turning thirty and not being married and not having kids. I had a plan back then. 

I heard somewhere that when we make plans, God laughs at us. I think this is most true in my life. My life plan wasn't supposed to be this way. I started off twenty one right on track and it came to a crashing halt at the age of twenty seven. Then I had to start all over. I'm glad. This is the way my life should be. Me, my dog, and peace. Nothing to come between us and nothing to upset me. Everything else is an add-on and for that, I am grateful.