She walked into the bustling Starbucks and I swear the room paralyzed with each step she took towards me. Suddenly, I was the center of her world, while the rest of them watched. They stared in our direction, but no one looked at her. They stared at me. As if with one look she would destroy my creation. She smiled passively. This set me at ease and I returned the smile and gestured for her to join me at the table. The chair appeared as she slowly made her body fold at the waist. She never took her eyes off of me.
The espresso machine let a drip of coffee fall into the shot glass and the room became chaos once again. Her eyes never left me. The smile was genuine. I began searching for a reason in her eyes, yet she gave me none. She just smiled with tenderness and purity. I knew that it had taken a while for her to get to this place. I could see the pain and heartbreak that lingered, almost hovered in her past. But, she just wouldn't let it affect her. She didn't let it bring her down.
Before I spread my lips apart in an attempt to make a sound, her hand went up to stop me. "I know what you want to know, but first I need my coffee." Her blue eyes glimmered and there was no demeaning tone in her words, just a urging sense of happiness.
She reached her hand out in front of her and a white mug appeared before her. She lifted up the ceramic mug and allowed her lips to hug either side of the glass as she sipped on her truth serum. She intrigued me and I wanted to be just like her.
I bought my hand to my throat to make sure I didn't mumble that out loud, because as soon as I thought it, she smiled and put the coffee down and looked deep into my being. She said "Soon, you will be."
"I'll start at the beginning," she started. "It all happened on the day that you woke up and said, I have had enough. You sat back and then you realized that your entire existence has been centered around everything but you. You finally decided that for once, you would hold yourself up on a pedestal and not wait for someone else to do it for you. It felt good to make that decision. But, after the decision was made, came the hard part. You actually have to do it."
"I'm lost," I said. "do what?"
"I know you're lost honey, that's why I came." She smiled again and took another sip of her coffee.
The room suddenly got quiet again. I began to look around and the people in the Starbucks were again staring at me. This time it was different though. I knew these people. They were co-workers, family, friends, former-friends...it was people I had daily encounters with. They weren't saying anything audible. Or if it was audible I couldn't hear them. I couldn't tell what they were trying to say. Some where more animated than others and were jumping up and down reaching out their hands to me trying to get my attention, but I couldn't hear them. I just didn't understand.
"Focus on me, not on them." She said. Her voice took a stronger tone. There was still that loving sincerity I sense from the moment she walked in, but she was a tad bit agitated that I did not make her the center of my thoughts.
"This is exactly what has lead you to where you are sitting right now." Her focus became narrow and her voice was the only sound in the room. "I know what you want. You want to change the world. You want to do amazing things and touch the lives of many. You want a shining reputation and you never want someone to doubt you and who you are. But, think of those that you have ignored along the way. Think of those that you have stepped on and totally disregarded their existence. What of them? What do you think they say about you? Does it bother you?."
I was almost afraid to answer. I didn't know where this was going. I answered anyway. Not verbally, I was too afraid for that. I just shaked my head, no.
"You know why it doesn't bother you?." Her gaze lowered and she was tracing every outline in my face as if she were painting a self portrait.
"No." My voice didn't sound like my own. It sounded beaten.
"It didn't bother you because those people do not deserve you in their lives. You know the difference between right and wrong. You know what's good for you and what is bad for you. But, you still keep leaning towards the bad. Why? Why do you always do that? Don't you realize your worth? Don't you know how priceless a soul like yours is?"
I sat back and thought about it for a while. I couldn't find the value. Tears rolled down my cheeks.
"I'm not here to make you cry." She wiped the tears from my face with a white little handkerchief with lilies on it. It smelled just like my grandfather. It kind of looked like his too. "I am here to show you what you have been missing out on. I am here to light that fire under your butt that you so desperately need. It's time..."
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