Friendship....or lack thereof

Remember what it was like when you were a kid? You arrive at the play yard, ditch your parents and head to the most awesomest part of the play yard. For some it may have been the monkey bars, the slide, the sand pit....but for me it was always the swing. I would run for the first empty one I saw, hoping all the way that no one else would take my swing. It was MY swing after all. I saw it first.

I would jump on and swing myself. But, no matter how hard I tried, I was limited. I needed to find someone to push me to get maximum air lift. So what to do next? Well, you look for the kid that is patiently waiting for their turn and ask them to push you. You would typically say, "Hey, you want to push me and then I'll push you." As a kid waiting for the swing, what are your options really? The kid would of course agree to the terms and you would take turns pushing each other. When you felt you had enough you would either move on to something else or head over to your mom. Mom would always ask, who was that? You would answer, my friend.

It was simple back then, wasn't it? You would give a little, get a little and automatically this person was your friend. It was a time of innocent trust and simple pleasure. There really was no betrayal (unless you were a total jerk when you were a kid and if that's the case stop reading because this blog post isn't FOR you, it's ABOUT you) (on second thought, keep reading you might learn something and stop being a jerk for the rest of your life.) You surrounded yourself around people that made you feel good inside. You were just interested in having fun. The simple pleasures. 

Susy is the sunshine of the workplace. She comes in everyday with a smile and always has a joke to make you laugh. She is the first one in and the last one out. She will never turn you down and makes herself available to everyone regardless of the strain it may put on her. She is the backbone of the definition of friend. At the same token. Susy is very private. She keeps to herself and no one can really tell you about her life, but they call her friend.

One day, Susy is a couple of minutes late to work. A first for her. She doesn't seem like herself. She isn't smiling or cracking jokes. She seems preoccupied with something. People approach her and ask her, "Susy...everything ok." She gives them a half smile and nods her head, "yea, I'm fine thanks." They take it at face value and bombard Susy with request for advice and make her a landing zone for life worries. 


Days go by and Susy isn't the same. She seems different. They ask her for a favor and she turns them down. She seems distant and doesn't want to talk. She seems fed up all the time and she is constantly on edge. Each time someone asks her what's wrong, Susy says nothing. 

Instead of either sitting down with her and telling her, hey lets talk about what's going on with you or maybe looking internally and saying, "did I do something to her?" People begin speaking about her. They complain about her. Suddenly, all the selfless things that Susy did doesn't matter anymore. The support system that these people relied on for such a long time, is no longer there and they are upset. Simply upset because Susy has finally realized that she is being taken advantage of. 


You see friendships are not about give, give, give while the other person sits there and takes, takes, takes. No, friendships are I give you a little and you give me that in return. I may be wrong about this (I have been mistaken in the past), but isn't all about I push you and you push me. When one person feels that they are being taken advantage of, then what's the point in continuing that friendship?

I pride myself in being a good friend. There have been many times where I have given more than I should have, even put my life on hold because of my love for another. How many times in your life have you sacrificed sleep, money, comfort, time, etc. for the well being of someone you call friend? 

I cannot count the times I have done all of those things and then some for someone else. I can count, however, the times I have been trampled on and used. I'm not saying that I am now becoming a hostile person, but I can say that I have finally reached my breaking point. There comes a time in your life when you know that you have had enough. I have had enough.


In the true spirit of my search for FIDES, I know that there are times when you hold on and times when you say goodbye. The time for me to say goodbye is now. No more excuses will be made for people, because I find myself constantly explaining why they do why they do it. The time has come for those people that rely on my sweat and tears as a crutch to let go and stand on their own two feet. I choose to stand for me and me alone. I can't teach you to be strong. It's all about fighting your own weakness that you discover your own personal strength. I can no longer be strong for you.

If you take this the wrong way, then this was meant for you. God bless.